i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
