two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize