White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
