The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she peed on how many people?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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