I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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