So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
