The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
