You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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