I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
