All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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