4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize