it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
