Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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