Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
