Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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