I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
