And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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