Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
