That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize