My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
