Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize