I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
