Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to align my fucking chakras
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize