I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
