AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
