Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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