Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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