Duck Duck Cougar?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize