remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
