party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
