I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
