Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
