with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
