I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
