You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
