When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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