Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
