True but thats because hes a fetus.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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