Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
