You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
