Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
