He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You can't just leave with hair like that
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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