Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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