today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
