the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
