I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
