So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
