wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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