Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
