I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
