why didn't you poke me back
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
