She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
