when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
