Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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