SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You're like the curious george of whores
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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