some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
