worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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