You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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