I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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