he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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