i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
