Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
