Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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