Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
