Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
