I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
