and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'd cum for enchiladas.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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