I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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