everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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