my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
